Setting boundaries for your child – and sticking to them – can feel very challenging. Often parents/carers worry that they will upset their child unnecessarily or wonder if they are being too strict or even if their child will still like them if they say ‘no’. With lots of different views and advice online it can be a confusing and stressful place to be.
However, we do know from research that setting boundaries actually helps a child to thrive and enjoy life. Young children are experiencing lots of things in life for the first time and, whilst this is exciting, it can also be overwhelming and make life feel very unpredictable. Having clear boundaries and consistent expectations creates safety and security for your child so they can explore, experiment and enjoy all the opportunities and experiences around them.
Setting boundaries is not about limiting or controlling your child. It is about taking the lead in teaching your child how to stay safe and how to respect themselves and others.
Top tips:
- Decide what is most important to you – having a couple of clear boundaries to start with, and following through on them, will be much easier to manage for you and your child than a big list around minor issues.
- Be consistent even when you’re short of time or tired. This gives your child a clear message about what is acceptable or expected, and what is not. It should be predictable for your child.
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings but be clear and offer an alternative if possible. For example, ‘I can see you are upset because you want to bounce on the settee, but you might fall off and bang your head. Let’s put some music on and bounce up and down on the floor together.’ and ‘I can see you are cross with your sister because you want her cup, but you can’t hit her, let’s find another cup for you’.
- Being consistent in approach and staying calm, even when your child is pushing the boundaries, benefits all children and especially those who can quickly be overwhelmed by their environments.
- Having a distraction or comforter to hand when you know it’s going to be a situation your child will find challenging can be really helpful too.